Rachelle Gardner posted a new comment on her blog that you should really check out.
It's about respect and miscommunication and it was a post I don't feel she had to make, but she did anyway. If only we could all be big enough to look internally when we feel there is a communication breakdown. I think we would all find it easier to be professional and 'get along'.
Thanks to Rachelle.
Here is the response I posted on her blog:
This is an interesting and insightful post.
As it relates so much to the post on Why, Oh Why, Did I Get Rejected? I felt compelled to leave a comment here. I think you got a lot of backlash for how you responded at that time, from other writers, not me. It surprised even myself how so many of them took so personally that ‘no’.
I think the one thing that probably makes it harder for the querying writer to listen to ‘no’ in a constructive way is the newness of our contact with each agent. We send one query, or ask one question, and feel instantly put off or rejected. But if you turn that around to the agent’s perspective, they have heard and answered that same question countless times; they’re tired of the question and tired of having to answer it. The relationship, therefore, is strained from the beginning.
It is hard to do, but the easiest way I find to deal with that kind of rejection is to try and look at the other person’s perspective. Kind-of cliché probably, but it really can work. If I know that someone’s tone was harsh, yet I can also tell that their intent was positive, not negative, then shouldn’t I overlook the tone and listen to the meaning instead? If you are trying to share a perspective or impart knowledge, then I need to be willing to try and understand your viewpoint. That’s the only way any of us will learn or grow.
I think this post shows that you are willing to look internally for answers to communication issues. Wow, if only we could all do that. Because it’s not really about agreeing, it’s about respecting. And, that is something we should all try and do.
Thanks for the continued insightful posts!
(Will link to this one on my blog.)