Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Breaking Up Really Is Hard To Do

Dear Times…
I didn’t want to have to come right out and tell you these things, but you’ve left me no choice.  I thought you’d get the hint when I never picked up your phone calls, week after week, month after month, but obviously subtlety is not going to work with you.
I called to cancel my service because I actually did not want to receive the paper any more.  I wasn’t teasing you or trying to get a better rate out of it.  I honestly did want to break it off with you.  No mistake, no momentary weakness, no ‘game’ I was playing.
When you began calling less than a week after our break up I thought it was quite sad desperate of you, but I figured I’d just not answer and you’d get the hint soon enough.  Now that months have gone by and you’re still calling me on a regular, near daily, basis, I see you’ve gone from pathetic to stalking.  Yes, if you were my ex, this would be stalking.
So here it is, just so there is no confusion about my true feelings and intentions.
I do not like your stories.  Your coverage on every piece is one sided and uninformative.  You are self absorbed in a world that is full of important news.  You go out of your way to insight problems instead of working toward resolutions.  You play on the vulnerability of readers, and to be quite honest, you’re coupons aren’t that great either.
There, I said it.
I didn’t want to have to do that to you, but what choice did you leave me with?
No, calling at a different time of the day will not elicit a different response.  You should know that, you’ve tried every imaginable time aside from midnight, on many occasions.
Give up already!
I’m not coming back to you.
Stop calling me.  It’s really not helping your case.  It’s bugging the heck out of me and making me even more certain than ever just how glad I am to be rid of you.
We’re through.
You just have to accept that.
Goodbye paper.
I mean it.


JEFritz said...

This post made me laugh. From personal experience, I can guarantee that they'll be calling you a YEAR from now.

Julie Geistfeld said...

Ha, I had a feeling others might have gone through this same thing! I think you're right... the calls will never stop.