It helps me be a better me in everything else I do.
I like writing.
It feels good.
I have all these thoughts spinning around up there, but I'm slow to speak, so until I began writing, they were stuck, dammed up behind my throat. When I write it's like opening up the floodgates and letting the ideas out. It takes the pressure off my brain and I can think again.
Writing makes me feel better.
It makes it easier to let myself be happy.
Why do I seek publication?
Because I've written these stories and they made me happy. The worlds on the page brought me joy to discover. I captured that joy, I delved down into it. It feels wrong to hide it away and not let others discover those worlds too. I don't feel like I own them, because they were a gift.
Why do I strive for traditional publishing?
Because I'm kind of a perfectionist about certain things. The thought of putting out a product that isn't worthy of publishing scares me. I need professionals to help with that. I don't know that side of the business, I just write stories. I've become a decent editor too, but decent isn't unbiased. I want these stories to be the best they can be, whether they go out to twenty readers or ten thousand. It's not the numbers that concern me, it's the quality.
So what's the issue?
Publishers and agents need numbers. They have a lot of rules, guidelines, interests and specifications, to be adhered to or met. I have to be willing to work to become what they need or I have to be content merely moving my ideas from my head to the paper and letting them reside there unheard.
Writing is easy!
It's publishing that's hard.
Writing is wonderful and fun and I'd do it all the time if I could.
It's the rest of the business that tries to beat the fun out of the writing.
So why do I keep trying?
I guess writing feels too much like an indulgence. It's sweet and satisfying, I need to justify the hours I spend doing it. If it's work, then it's justifiable, not an indulgence. I guess that's why I keep trying even when it's painful and depressing.
Hmm, maybe I should let myself enjoy it a little more and worry a little less. Maybe I should feel content that I'm blessed to visit these worlds and meet these characters. They make me happy. I bring that happiness back with me to my world. Sometimes that's enough.
Oh, I'll still keep trying to get published. I just might not care so much if you reject me.
I'm not writing your story, I'm writing mine.